playing with the Vitolio school shoes, and Jake came alone and ask miguel he cant play because his tired from walking from Aranui road to wycola park, but Miguel the nike shoes was so angry that he din't know jake had a car but jake went back home, and miguel ask him to want a ride and Vitolio the school shoes said no there's no time we need to play now, and Miguel the nike shoes
said ok. along came a home less shoes, his name was the man he was a good plaer at soccer, nand Miguel and Vitolio said come here let play then, but he said theres no more players but miguel the nike shoes went to his car and drive fast to his friend Jake to get him when he got there he said sorry to him and Jake said sorry too, and they got back to wycloa park and carry on the soccer game and they all made there on team, now there finally happy.
Wow Tevita! You were working hard on Friday and you wrote a long story about what your shoes do when you are not watching. I wonder if next time you can have a look at where you are separating your paragraphs. Usually we separate paragraphs when you are changing from one idea to the next. In this piece of writing, you've changed paragraphs in the middle of a sentence.
ReplyDeleteIf you want help with paragraphing, let's look at it together next time, or ask the teacher who's classroom you are working in for Community Time!
- Miss Birtch